ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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