Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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