My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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