I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
