Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
