If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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