I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Randomize
