I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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