no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
