I wish life had little blips of pornography
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
