Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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