I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
