I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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