what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I look better un-naked...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
