my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
