My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
