Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
