wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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