remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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