Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
