when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
