Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
