I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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