one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I need water and some morals
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
