i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
His hands were made for my vagina.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
