So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
