i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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