You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
