The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
