you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
