Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
