True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
