Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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