Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
