i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
