i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
