Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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