tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
