I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you didnt know i had herpes?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We have started to decorate penises.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
