It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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