Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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