He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
