It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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