I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This is classic penis vs brain.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
