I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
