Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
