I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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