I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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