I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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