i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
