I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
