Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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