I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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