sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
