You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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