...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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