it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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