I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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