I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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