I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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