So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
