its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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